Your Happiness
by SilverTrain
Summary: Alfred is a small boy who's wish is to make friends and feel wanted. He then gains an imaginary friend, Ivan. But when he outgrows Ivan and has to start a normal, seemingly perfect life, suddenly, Ivan reappears into Alfred's life to change everything!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Neither of us own Hetalia! This is a nice little story that me and penquinwholikesfire are working on together! :D**

_Italics are thoughts._

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><p>It all started with a simple wish that night with only the stars and the moon to watch him, a child's dream.<p>

Alfred didn't expect for anyone to hear it, much less for it to come true.

If you asked Ivan how it felt to become 'real' on that day he wouldn't have a clear answer for you.

Something like puzzle pieces bringing you together, then a slightly warming feeling when everything clicked to form your body. It was the feeling of becoming whole.

I could see the different scenes hanging from the ceiling, suspended in infinite darkness. The colors harsh against my..what was the word? I would need to..ask..Alfred!

He was the one that made me!

My upper part froze, the part squeezing, some function started up again. A image told me it was..breathing? I did a couple times to understand it...then it became second nature. These scenes, the darkness, started to fade away. I was being taken to a different place, that much I could tell. I was suddenly in another space... what was it... the word popped into my mind... a room? I was on a... bed? and there was someone sleeping beside me, snuggled tightly in the covers.

Something inside me reminded me to nudge the body next to me. Rolling over to see a boy of about seven years, my...brain (Was that the correct word? What is a word? What is what?) said I was 7 too. Where was all this coming from? It said that he was Alfred! Alfred... the name sent delight coursing through my body. If anything was for certain, it was that Alfred was the thing I cared most about.

"Alfred." I poked his stomach, the name sounding off on my tongue in a weird way. Something in me supplied that it wasn't the normal way that people would say this name, where I was. I tried to do it again.

"Alfred." It sounded the same. So, does this mean I have an... what was it... accent? Maybe I should try something else...

"Amerika." My brain said it was spelled something with a 'rica' at the end. Why did it make a 'k' sound instead of a 'c'?

I poked the kid again..could he be dead?

Alfred snored loudly. What was that thing poking him? He was in the middle of a dream, where he was climbing Mount Everest! He had just learned in school that it was the tallest mountain in the world, and he was going to conquer it! The poking got more persistent. What was that? He looked over to see and eagle perched on his shoulder. Cool! Bald eagles were his favorite animal. Well, besides buffaloes and dogs and... where was he again? Oh yes, Mount Everest! The poking wasn't on his side anymore, it was on his nose now.

"George, stop poking me with your beak!" Alfred mumbled in his sleep-filled haze.

His baby blues fluttered as he struggled to open his eyes. He lifted his hand lazily to swat George away. George was a super cool name because it was the name of the first president! Alfred had learned that in school last week. He was a bit startled when he hit something that didn't feel like it had feathers on it.

He finally managed to crack his eyes open enough to be able to see a hand in his face. A hand? Was his mom sneaking in his room again to clean it? She absolutely hated it when Alfred didn't clean his room. Especially when he didn't clean it for a couple of days... Alfred's record was a full week, before his mom had finally come in to clean it. He was hoping that he could beat his record this time.

He started to wake up fully now, and realized that the hand was much too small to be his mom's and it didn't have lots of big rings on it. He looked up to see a kid that was about his age. What was he doing in here anyways?

"Hey!" He mumbled a little bit, still tired and waking up, but his voice was rising, "How did you get in here?"

Something sound off to him from the start, once the boy spoke. It bothered the ashen-haired boy. It didn't sound happy inside? How can one explain emotions?

"I..am..a friend," he replied. He didn't have a name yet either, he realized.

"Pleased to meet you." His accent came out thicker than intended; however, he tried to give a smile make the other happy.

A piece clicked in his mind, allowing him to unlock some new features. Something said he was imaginary. Does that mean he wasn't real? He could touch Alfred and he could feel. Doesn't that make one 'real'?

"Ivan Braginski. A friend." The newly acclaimed Ivan sat up to shake his new companion's hand.

"Ivan, huh?" Alfred asked, eyeing the kid in front of him. With a nod of approval, he eagerly took Ivan's hand. The boy looked pale, but he didn't look sickly, though. He still had the baby fat of youth about him, a soft face and hands. His nose and hands were a bit big, but Alfred didn't mind. The big hands were actually quite comforting when he put his own hand inside it. The only thing that bothered Alfred was that they seemed just a bit cold.

"Well, Ivan! You can be my new side-kick, seeing as I'm the hero and all. I'm Alfred F. Jones, by the way."

Alfred was so excited. He finally found a kid that wanted to be his friend!

Some of the kids at his school were nice enough, but they didn't understand Alfred's need for adventure. He was the only kid in his class that really ever asked questions or was outgoing and energetic. All of the other kids were all either complacent or were brats that were mean to Alfred and called him stupid. Alfred wasn't stupid, because he really excelled in the subjects that he liked and could hold his interest. But Alfred needed to be interested in it, first. He had a very short attention span, and needed constant interaction and attention.

All of the teachers at his elementary school told his parents that he had ADHD, and he could never focus, but in truth, they just didn't have the ability to hold Alfred's attention in one spot. Alfred would have done better in a more singled out, home-schooled environment, where he could get the individual attention that he needed. The teachers that taught his history and science classes; however, thought he was a wonderful and inquisitive child.

"You're gonna be my bestest friend! We'll go on so many cool adventures together!" Alfred's mind was racing a mile a minute.

What should they do first? Does Ivan like to travel? Does he like super heroes? Did Ivan ever dream of going to space, or far off places like Alfred did? But most importantly, Alfred wondered deep in the back of his mind, would Ivan like him? Would Ivan think he was too loud or too hyper like his parents, teachers, and the other kids at school?

Though Alfred tried to hide it, he was a bit insecure and had self-esteem issues. He was already at the age of seven, learning how to put on a front and hide away all of his negative feelings. His dad hated it when Alfred ever whined or cried or looked upset. So he put on an act, and thought of it as the hero coming out and hiding away his human persona that no one could know about. That was why he loved and admired heroes so much. They had two sides, just like he did. The awesome one that could do anything for anyone and their human sides that they used to fit in, and that hid away, not wanting anyone to know who they really were. It was something that Alfred connected with.

Ivan could see the emotions bouncing back and forth in the little baby blues. What does he go through...? What has he gone through...? The flickers of various thoughts, maybe he would be harder to become friends with. His own personal life could be at stake for not making this boy happy? Thinking only to himself, _I will make him happy. Da._

"You... do like to go on adventures right?" Alfred tried to ask this normally, but he couldn't stop the apprehensiveness and fear coming into his voice. He really wanted Ivan to like him. He really wanted a friend.

An easy smile pulled across his face, "I like to meet many people, so they can become friends with me. In adventures do they do that?"

Ivan's mind said he wasn't real. That his body will never make heat, nor will it ever make real feelings. Never tell Alfred about that one the brain reminded him. Nothing more than an friend to the poor boy. If you felt something, then it wasn't permanent. Make Alfred happy. Not yourself, even if you could do such a thing.

"You like to make friends? That's cool! I wanna be able to make friends too!" Alfred said.

"Call me Vanya, it is the proper way to say my name." He corrected himself, perhaps he was... what was it? Russian...? The little boy released their hands, and shivered because he felt cold. Alfred was so warm, it was so different from his own body. He missed the heat of Alfred's hand already.

"Do you have a spare jacket?" 'Vanya' asked. He felt the need to warm himself, even if it would do him little good. His body was naturally cold, something in the back of his mind told him. It would take a lot to make him warm. But if he had something of Alfred's it would make him feel better about it.

Alfred perked at the question, scooting out of the covers in order to slide off the edge of his bed and onto the floor, "Hmm... maybe I could find something for you in my closet?" Alfred really didn't mind giving something to Iva- Vanya, he mentally corrected himself. The boy wanted to be called 'Vanya', or whatever. But Alfred didn't mind. Sometimes, he liked pretending he was someone else too. No, he wouldn't mind giving Vanya something. Alfred personally thought that he had too many clothes. And not to mention, it was the hero thing to do, selflessly giving others what they need at your own expense. It made him feel happy and warm inside when he did something nice for others. He giggled.

"Vanya, huh? You want me to call you that instead? I'll do it! But seriously, how many names to you have?" Alfred was asking in a joking fashion. He really never intended to hurt people's feelings, but sometimes he didn't know what to joke about, and what was a sensitive topic for others.

Ivan watched the little boy curiously. Alfred seemed to be filled to the brim with energy, yet had no signs of stopping anytime soon by how he was moving. A small smile came on his face from observing him.

A glance at the digital clock on his nightstand told Alfred that it was seven o'clock in the morning. That was much earlier than he usually got up, but he figured it was ok, because he wanted as much time as he could to play with his new friend.

"Um, I hope I have a jacket that will fit you..." Alfred mumbled as he opened his closet. It was big enough to easily fit him and Ivan both inside. There was already a fort that Alfred had made built into the closet. It was his private space whenever he felt like he wanted to be alone and think. Alfred loved making forts and things from all of the blankets and different pillows that he had. Alfred loved being surrounded by the softness and warmth, and it helped calm him down when he was feeling scared or sad. The dark still frightened him a teeny bit, but his parents had only given him one nightlight, and that had died out a long time ago, so he had to learn to deal with it by himself. Sometimes, he slept in his closet, much to his mother's displeasure when she came in his room to see he was not in bed.

Ivan followed Alfred into the closet, smiling bigger at the fort. Maybe they could have fun in it, or do pirate things! They could tie people up and fight them to the death! That made him smile even more. The clothes could be used to hang them...especially the English pirates. Yes, the English pirates. Something inside him seemed to burn with hate at the thought of them.

Alfred looked up at some of the clothes hanging in the closet, and his eyes lit up as he found a batman jacket that had always been a bit big for him. He liked Superman the best, and Batman was always a lot like Superman's side-kick, Alfred supposed. He whirled around eagerly to face Ivan again with the jacket in hand.

"You do like Batman, right? He's cool. Not as cool as Superman, but still real cool," He spoke excitedly. He hurried over to Ivan to put the jacket on him, beaming proudly when it fit. He was so happy that he had finally found someone he could play with! They were going to have so much fun!

Ivan giggled, "What does Batman do? Does he hide in the shadows like Bats?"

Alfred beamed proudly as he spoke, "Yeah, Batman is really cool! I like him because he turned his biggest fear into a weapon. When he was little he was really scared of bats, but then he learned that they weren't really all that scary and became Batman! I should lend you my comics so you can read all about him! He has a bat cave and everything!" Alfred turned to Ivan expectantly, beaming at him with wide, baby blue eyes.

"I like Vanya better," Ivan said, finally realizing that Alfred had asked him a question before, and he had not adequately explained himself, "I have only one name; however, Vanya is a nickname in my... native language..." He trailed off thinking that if he was Russian, as the voice in his mind told him, then maybe that language would be his native language? He adjusted the jacket for better fitting and comfort, but his neck still felt cold...

"Do you have a scarf?" He asked, a bit timidly.

Alfred paused then, as he tilted his head thoughtfully. Vanya wasn't from around here then? His face scrunched up a little in concentration. A scarf, huh? Did he have any of those?

Batman seemed like a decent superhero on what he did things. He didn't go out of his way to brag what he did, working in in the shadows to get rid of evil doers. The Bat Man used his weakness to his advantage, which gained him respect in Ivan's eyes. However, it seemed like Batman would be the type to work alone unless forced too. A boy with a flashy red and green assemble and the name 'Robin' came after the thought of working alone. Possibly, that boy was the sidekick? Halloween popped in his brain as well. _Alfred wouldn't force him into __that__, da?_ _Alfred would be the Boy if we did that._ Mentally, Ivan knew they would be doing something like that for Hallows Eve.

As Alfred pondered, a thought came to mind instantly, though it wasn't a pleasant one. His distant Aunt Merrill always gave him weird clothes for Christmas, and seemed to be convinced that Alfred was a girl. Like he said, Aunt Merrill was distant. Last year she had knitted him a pastel pink scarf, and the year before she had gotten him a pink bunny print night gown. He shuddered. Well, that was really the only scarf he had, so Vanya was going to have to deal.

"Well, I only have one, so..." Alfred trailed off, getting onto his hands and knees and shifting through boxes that were stuffed underneath his bed. Anytime his parents or someone in the family bought him things that he didn't like, he always hid them in the boxes underneath his bed.

Watching carefully at Alfred shifting around boxes Ivan thought, _Could the scarf be that bad?_ Another question to ask his new friend. _Why did he have this area? Why did he hide these things?_

It was the one place his mother never looked, as she couldn't bend over well enough to look underneath it. It also held boxes with his private comic collection that he bought secretly with his allowance money. His father always made some big speech about learning to save your money and that you were never too young to start, and always gave him the extra change that accumulated in his pockets. His mother would give him her change too, and he eagerly saved up until he could get the latest copy of whatever comic he was into. He had a couple of Superman, Batman, Spiderman, and some X-Men comics saved up, but it wasn't a really big collection... yet.

After rooting around, and crawling almost completely under the bed, he reached a box that had been labeled with a red crayon 'Girly Stuff', and grabbed it and dragged it out as he wiggled back from underneath his bed. He removed the top of the box and pulled out the scarf, which looked completely untouched since he had unwrapped it last Christmas.

"I hope you don't mind it. It's the only one I have," Alfred stated while eyeing the scarf distrustfully in his hands. He handed it over to Vanya like someone might a volatile boa constrictor. Though, with Vanya's pale complexion, anything pastel looked pretty good on him, and the pink complimented his pale blond hair.

Alfred's hair was more of a harsh, sun-bright yellow, and the pink didn't look as good on him. Alfred was more suited for blues and reds, as they complimented his bright, sky-colored eyes and darker skin.

"So, is it alright?" He asked.

"Comics...? You would need to teach me how to read Alfred.." He mumbled under his breathe, walking slowly behind him to make sure nothing would pop out from the mess around them. Ivan would need to ask Alfred about it, maybe he'll help him with the work of cleaning it.

Ivan loved the scarf once Alfred held it. Yes, it was pink. _Pink is manly_. He thought to himself. It takes manly powers to wear such a girly item. His eyes widen at the passing of the object.

"Spasibo.." Ivan thanked graciously, holding the thing as if it was worth more than the world itself. Draping it carefully around the pale skin around his neck causing Ivan to smile bigger than the usual one he carried. The fact that Alfred gave it to him made the worth of it all the greater.

"Eh?" Alfred asked in confusion, "Spasibo? What does that mean?" His pronunciation was far from as good as Ivan's had been. He tilted his head as he remembered what Ivan had said before.

"Wait. You don't know how to read?" Alfred took on a slightly worried look.

Alfred himself was just starting to read chapter books in school. Often times, Alfred got extremely bored with them, as they were nothing like his comics. He was learning to read very fast, despite this, due to his eagerness to read his comic books and understand them. He already knew a lot of words other kids in his class didn't. He had managed to steal a dictionary from his dad's office, and he loved looking up words in it. It seemed very exciting to him.

The one thing Alfred didn't take very well to was writing. He knew how to spell words fine, and once he saw a word, he didn't usually forget how to spell it unless it was a long word. But he mostly hated writing because his handwriting was very poor, and most kids picked on him for it. Teachers were always scolding him for turning in work that they couldn't read. For some reason, Alfred just found it hard to shape the words the way he wanted. There was something wrong with his hand-eye coordination. Every time he tried to concentrate on looking down at a piece of paper, his vision seemed to get a bit fuzzy. It sometimes ended up interfering with his reading too. He always had to squint hard to be able to read things. He didn't complain though, as he thought that it was normal.

"Yes, I don't know how to read.." He trailed off. Could Alfred make fun of him for not being able to do things? Alfred didn't seem like the type to harm someone, but one can't judge a book by its cover.

"Well, don't worry! I'll be able to teach you anything you need to know! Feel free to ask me anything!" Alfred told Ivan excitedly. He was looking forward to teaching Ivan things, in all actuality. He loved being depended on.

The last phrase broke Ivan's thoughts from getting worse, sending them to the back of his head. Alfred was a good boy, and an even better friend by the looks of it. He was going back and forth from haze and reality mainly from the receiving for the scarf.

"It means...'thank you' in Russian." Ivan gave Alfred a warming smile because of the present. "Spa-sea-ba," He said slowly for Alfred to catch it. Then he repeated it a little faster for the proper way of saying it. Alfred repeated after Ivan, eager to learn this new word. His pronunciation was never quite right, but it was passable, and he would learn how to say it properly with time and use.

Ivan was even more grateful, "Thank you, Alfred.." He gave him a warm smile, unlike his usual normal cold smile.

For some reason, Alfred felt his face get hot at the smile on Ivan's face. It made a bubbly, giddy feeling well up in his tummy, and he couldn't help but grin from ear to ear.

The returning smile appeared true, making Vanya's new job (it wasn't a job, felt more like an obligation by now) all the sweeter. The grin on his face wouldn't go bigger, sadly. It seemed that it wasn't in his character to grin those wide, big grins of innocence that Alfred had. He adjusted the scarf on his neck; consequently, it hung to the floor, touching it with a couple inches at most. By the time he became taller, it should reach his mid waist, if he calculated his height correctly.

It was then, standing in his messy room beside his bed, with rays of sunlight slipping through the cracks in his blinds, that his mother peeked into his room and bustled in with a hurried aura that always seemed to follow her wherever she went, as if she was going to be late for something if she didn't do everything quickly.

When Ivan caught sight of the woman, an instant dislike of her came up. The smile he was wearing turned into a stern line. She didn't even have to speak, for he could already sense the fake chipper. _Who could this woman be?_

"Ah, I thought I heard you talking in here, Alfred. I'm surprised that you're awake. Well, since you're up and it's the weekend, I would love to be able to take you out with me while I rendezvous with some of my friends. Your father is very busy today with paperwork and won't be able to look after you while I'm gone, so I just decided to take you with me," his mother told him. Alfred whined and pouted.

"Aw, mom! Can't you just leave me home? I promise I'll be good! I want to play with my new friend Vanya today!" Alfred complained. His mother gave him a stern, almost glaring look.

"You know what your father and I said about whining Alfred. I don't want to hear it," She paused for a moment, as if realizing the entirety of what Alfred had said before speaking again, "You've never told me about your friend 'Vanya' before." Alfred was an honest person by nature, and of course being a kid as well, who were naturally honest at that age, and his mother could usually get him to tell her anything she wanted to know about his day to day activities and school experiences.

"Vanya is my best friend! Say hello Vanya!" Alfred turned to Ivan gleefully. Ivan smiled back at the gesture. His mother's eyes narrowed.

"This is no time for games, Alfred. I have to be at Vivian's house in thirty minutes for our book club meeting, and I have to take you with me. Now get dressed and stop this nonsense." Alfred's face fell and his new expression looked more akin to a kicked puppy.

"You can't see Vanya?" Alfred asked hesitantly. He really didn't want his mother to get angry with him but he couldn't help but press the issue a little more.

"There is no one here, Alfred. I thought I said to stop playing around. Get dressed and come down stairs." And with that, his mother left in a huff, shutting the door behind her. Alfred looked almost like he was about to cry, but pushed back his tears so that he could look at Ivan without making himself look like a baby. Heroes didn't cry after all.

"I'm sorry that we can't play, Vanya. I really want to! But I have to get dressed now..." Alfred mopped and drug out some clothes from his closet in an almost practiced fashion, knowing exactly what things his mother would allow and not allow him to wear for an outing with her friends.

It wasn't really the first time that this had happened. And whenever it did, it depressed Alfred a little, because it almost seemed like his parents were loath to look after Alfred when they had important engagements, as if he were a chore. They wanted Alfred to just sit down, not make a word, and not mess anything up. Even at his young age, Alfred could sense that his parents never seemed to have time for him.

On days where his dad had to work in his home office and his mother couldn't take Alfred to her daily functions, it almost felt like he had been left home alone. Alfred, like any normal child, craved the attention of their parents. And his lack of affection was starting to affect his personality, making him needier and an attention seeker.

The conversation between the Jones' made his mood sour, but he couldn't show it to Alfred. Not now, if not ever. Every time she spoke, Ivan gained more dislike for the 'Mother'. She did not seem to care for her son's opinions, nor if he felt happy because her own social life was more important.

"I'm really sorry Vanya," Alfred said again, "Um... spasibo! Did I say it right? Spasibo for, uh, talking with me. I really like you being here." Alfred paused, hesitant, "And, maybe we could play when I get back. The meeting will probably last until lunchtime, if you can wait that long..."

"Alfred.." He tried to catch the little boy's attention between the changing off clothes. "I can go with you, with your 'Mother'." Vanya spoke in a neutral tone, but _her_ name was a little harsher than before. All it seems that Alfred wants attention like a normal child, and Ivan made a pact to do so.

In an even lower tone, meant for Ivan's personal ears only; "She isn't a good mother. Much less for you."

If Alfred didn't know he was real it would crush him. After looking around the room for any other ways of trying to comfort him, a little message told him what humans do to make others feel better. They usually did a gesture called a hug, and wrapped their arms around each other.

"Alfred!" Trusting the little instinct in his mind, he opened out his arms out wide for his new friend.

Alfred was surprised at the sudden hug that Vanya gave him. It only served to make him feel abnormally hot. It really didn't help that he was in the middle of changing his shirt.

"Y-you really sure that you can come with me? Mom will be so angry if I don't do what I'm supposed to. But I would feel so much better if you did," Alfred confessed to slightly taller boy.

He had finished changing into a white button up shirt with a baby blue sweater-vest on top of it, and beige dress pants. He pulled on some shoes and socks before taking Ivan's hand.

"If you just stay with me, it would make me feel a lot better," Alfred told him, "All the ladies ignore me anyways once they start talking about their book, so I'm sure we can start to sneak off together easily!"

The more Alfred thought about it, the more he didn't really seem to mind being the only one that saw Ivan. It made him something that was uniquely Alfred's and something that only Alfred could treasure. You couldn't take away what wasn't there, after all, and Alfred's heart soared at the thought of having a friend to be with him always. He would never have to be lonely or depressed anymore. It was all that Alfred wanted.

"I'm so happy that you found me, Vanya. It makes me so happy." Alfred flashed a wonderful smile brimming with joy and his eyes shone like sapphires with his sincerity. Alfred knew that as long as he had Ivan, he could be happy. He would be ok.

"No, Alfred, thank you." Vanya made the normal smile a little bigger to show he meant it.

Alfred's smile was worth everything.

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><p>That is the end of chapter one folks :D<p>

If you could have picked it up, this is actually a RP between Silver Train (Alfred) and Penguinwholikesfire (Ivan/Vanya) This story should update occasionally when there is enough to post~ Don't worry we have a plot line set and everything for this C:

Till the next time~

Review please!


	2. Chapter 2

Here we are! The next chapter, finally! Sorry it takes so long to do these things... but we're working really hard! Well, for all the people who like this story, then here is the next chapter for you!

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><p>Time seemed to pass by so quickly from then.<p>

Before Alfred had even known what happened, it was nearing his eleventh birthday. He and Ivan had so many fun times together, and it really had a profound effect on Alfred. He became much more confident in himself, bold and daring, though still retaining that love of helping others.

Ivan cherished every moment with Alfred, each and every single one of them until he knew them so well he could recite them like the back of his hand. Those bursts of sunshine-like smiles normally sent warmth down his spine, and the need to always protect that smile was a constant driving force. He always wanted to keep Alfred close by, in case danger would come, but that was unlikely in those times.

Alfred was sometimes forced to go to therapy sessions, because his mother and father started getting really paranoid about his mental stability. Having an imaginary friend wouldn't usually worry a normal family. The therapist tried to explain that imaginary friends were normal, and that kids usually developed them due to abandonment issues. Despite the warnings, Alfred's parents insisted that Alfred was a normal kid that really had no need for Ivan. Of course, Alfred fought this, because Ivan was the one thing that he had that he could confide in. He couldn't bear it if Ivan were to be taken away.

The man Alfred appeared to be turning was a fine one, well on his way of becoming a better person than his parents. That sense, knowing that Alfred was growing up came with a sense of fear also.

Would Alfred forget about him once he had to go?

Would he move on in his life like Ivan had never stepped in it?

Would...this Alfred be the same if Ivan came and visited him once more..?

Questions like those pulled in his chest all the wrong ways, the way it could hurt without being touched by anyone. It would have shown on his face, but Ivan tried his best to hide it from his only friend. Alfred didn't need to know of his departure, and he was dreading the possibility of it even happening.

The little American was happy for his upcoming birthday, and (the previous celebrations made Ivan chuckle) the house went under extreme cleaning for the party. But as his eleventh birthday drew nearer, Alfred noticed sadness in Ivan's smiles, and he began to worry. How would he ever make it without Ivan around? And then, the night before his birthday, Alfred's worst fears were realized.

_I should feel happy, Alfred's Birthday is tomorrow..._ The painful emotions of the nonviolent pain vibrated in his chest. It came whenever he was doubtful of their relationship; however, they were closer than they have been in weeks.

That could only mean..._No. It cannot happen if I am not willing._

oOoOoOoOo

"Hey, Vanya, you're my best friend ever, you know that, right? Really... you're about my only friend... Well, you _are _my only friend… When I think about it…"

Alfred spoke to Ivan that night. It was particularly clear, not a cloud in the sky, and the moon and stars shone brightly through Alfred's bedroom window. The two boys were snuggled on Alfred's bed in a make-shift castle of pillows and blankets.

Ivan felt his Adam's apple get caught in his throat. Alfred became too attach to Ivan, losing social skills; however, gaining some happiness. He never wanted to leave, Alfred didn't want that either! It couldn't! _I promised to always be there for him, as so did he!_

Alfred really didn't have any other friends other than Ivan, when he really thought about it. It didn't help the school that he went to was all for rich people's kids, and they were all pretty much spoiled and stuck their nose up at him. But still, Alfred had wondered about getting more friends. But really, he didn't feel the need to make more, because Ivan was all he had really wanted in a friend.

To his parents, Alfred was still energetic and adventurous, but he kept a lot more to himself now, and seemed to be losing the communicative skills necessary to understand other kids and make friends with them. Alfred was developing a unique thought pattern, that sort of didn't understand others' struggles in relation to his own, and often times accidentally did things that affected others negatively without even realizing it. He was always stuck in his own world.

The fear started to crawl in on the edges of Ivan's mind. Mentally he fought them back.

"Alfred..Spasibo.." He smiled at the compliment, they were best friends to the end, even the little bracelets they'd made said so.

Ivan knew he would eventually have to explain what was happening, might as well lay everything out before he left. He would regret it later if he couldn't tell him so many things.

"Alfred, I need you to pay attention." Unlike his normal childlike tone and expression, a more serious one took hold. He waited for a response from the American, still trying to remember everything he wanted to say before he had to say good bye forever.

"Huh? What is it Vanya? You need my help? I'm the hero, so I'll be able to do anything for you!" Alfred replied, smiling brightly, like a little ray of sunshine. He had to force all of his fears and doubt down. He never wanted to be anything but happy with Ivan. And besides, it was going to be his birthday in a couple of hours. It was supposed to be a happy time.

"Alfred.." He fiddled with the scarf hem, unable to look at the boy in the eye. The little feeling was becoming stronger...

"I want you to promise me things you'll do when you grow up. Pinky promises, the type that can't be broken, да?" He opened out his pinky for him to hook onto.

"Eh? You want me to do something when I'm older?" Alfred asked. But even still, he put his hand up, pinky out, in order to make his promise with Ivan. Alfred, if anything, always kept his promises. Especially pinky ones.

"Promise me to be happy. Never act like your parents," Ivan commanded. Alfred deserved more than Ivan could give him. Breaking the small pact, out of a whim, grabbed Alfred's hand and squeezed it. The contact was always warm to Vanya, one of his favorite things about Alfred, he could say. The feeling of disappearing started from the toes, breaking off slowly. It grew faster as he understood what was happening to him.

"Alfred, these years have been the best I ever had...if your unhappy again, remember me…" Hot globs of water was coming down from his eyes and Ivan couldn't stop them.

"Bye, Alfred F. Jones. My only friend."

"What? VANYA! WAIT! DON'T GO!" Alfred yelled out and sobbed. Why was he leaving? What did he do wrong? Alfred stared at the empty space that once held his most precious friend, and he could feel something in his chest just breaking. He couldn't take it! He couldn't! The tears continued, like an endless river, on through the night.

oOoOoOoOo

The world blacked out for hours, or maybe days for Ivan. He didn't know. The change from being in Alfred's life and receding into his mind could take a long time to adjust too. Floating about in the empty space, it took at least a month to form together as himself again. Sadly, the friend had become attached to in the real world he could no longer interact with, and the ability to see Alfred smile every day was practically lost to him.

oOoOoOoOo

Alfred spent most of his nights awake and crying, staring blankly into nothing.

By the time his mother had come for him that morning after Ivan had left to take him out shopping for new clothes for his birthday, he still wasn't out of tears. She and his father tried to get Alfred to tell them what was wrong, but he wouldn't, couldn't, utter a single word.

For the next days, he was completely listless, his body now drained of all the tears that he could cry, and nothing seemed to bring him any joy. What was even the point? His therapist became extremely worried, and tried to advise Alfred's parents to look after Alfred and pay close attention to his behavior, but his parents couldn't be any more happy that Alfred had finally 'settled down' and didn't even make a fuss over anything anymore. He just followed their instructions wordlessly, like a robot or a zombie.

And then, after the first weeks, this depression gave way into the next step: anger.

He was done with his self-pity, with these days of nothing! Did Ivan think that this would break him? Was he secretly mocking him, like everyone else did? Did he think Alfred was a joke? Well, he would prove that he wasn't! He would show him; he would show everyone!

He became even more of a trouble maker after that. He only did what he wanted, whenever he wanted, and wouldn't listen to anyone else's opinion. He was still the sweet young boy that he used to be, but now he had almost completely become detached from the opinions and feelings of others, and helped others still, but only in ways that he wanted to. This could ether help or hurt the situation, depending on what he did. He was still completely oblivious to others' opinions.

Years passed. He grew older. The only thing keeping him from completely offing school was his dreams. Even if Ivan's memory faded from his mind, the painful days of his mourning the loss of his friend locked tight in the back of his mind like a safety mechanism, he still remembered the promise: be happy. He would do whatever he wanted to make his happiness real, and not just a front he put on to make people think that he never had problems, that he never hurt.

He began to realize as he started freshman year in college that his dream of becoming a world traveler was a little unrealistic, and his parents would never support him. Though he didn't care a single bit for his parents' opinions, he still depended on them for funding and a roof over his head, at least until he could move out on his own. And he planned to move out as soon as he could.

He was already planning, at sixteen, to get a part-time job and work. He wanted to make his own way. But his parents were stubborn, and continued to feel like they needed to sink their claws into anything that Alfred did. Alfred was pushed into business, and was on his way to studying that field, but he resolved not to let it bring him down, but to make it his own. So even though he was going into business, he wanted to deal with something that HE loved. So, he started looking into selling things such as: cars, motorcycles, planes, or boats. He had even started looking into getting a minor in auto repair for these vehicles so that he could work on them as well, while his major, business, insured that he could always find a way to sell them.

This, he felt, made him content. And even though he would never know the vast lands beyond his own country, he felt that he could live without them, if he just worked hard enough where he was in securing his own happiness here.

And he would do anything he wanted.

Anything.

His parents had an extremely hard time keeping a leash on him starting his Junior year of High School. Alfred had only a handful of friends, mostly from the baseball team, as he was always around them practicing, and they were a very tight knit group. He became friends with party animals like Antonio and Gilbert, who also played baseball with him.

Through their connections, he became quite the daredevil, and never backed down from a challenge. How he had partied almost every night and managed to pass his classes and keep his GPA up enough to get into the business college that he wanted to get into was nothing short of a miracle. He distanced himself from his parents once he left for college, and really, the less he saw of them, the better his life became.

His dorm mates were Kiku and Matthew, both into vastly different majors than his own, and vastly different personalities as well. The Matthew guy never really seemed to be around very much, and Alfred didn't really get to know him, but he and Kiku became really good and close friends once they realized that they kept bumping into each other at the game stores. Alfred could say that he was content during his college years, but it never seemed like anything he was truly excited for ever happened.

oOoOoOoOo

He could only watch from the sidelines. Ivan could only watch his best friend transitioned to hating him, before going to the next phase of forgetting about his very existence... Ivan had no one to talk to for months... Oh, what Ivan would trade to have the ability to wake up beside Alfred! He asked himself, what was the point of even being here, having this empty existence?

By the time he and Alfred had turned 15, if he stood beside the American he would be taller, standing nearly 6 feet. His hormones raged against themselves, the only thoughts he ever processed were towards Alfred. The only person Ivan ever truly knew, and the only person who _used_ to know Ivan even better than he knew himself. He watched the rebellious stage of Alfred, always trying to guide the stubborn boy's thoughts in the right directions. What Alfred saw, so did Ivan if he wished. _Don't do this..._

The strange feelings had all started when he caught Alfred staring in the mirror, the bright eyes dragging him in. It made his heart race, Ivan blamed it on a disease.

A day passed from that incident. The feelings returned, with more fire and intensity. Ignoring the emotional overflow, he took a moment to look at it all rationally. _I can't get diseases… _It felt beyond frustrating, the inability to speak when it came to Alfred, the tightness in his chest...

A song played on the radio, the rambling duet of what happened when the two singers saw their 'love' for each other, and what they felt. Like always, Alfred didn't notice or pay attention to these things. Ivan heard it, the lilting notes of the song, and his heart stopped in his chest. The sudden realization of what these feelings could mean jumbled together inside his brain, threatening to turn him insane. His rapidly beating heart, the feeling that could burst open anytime... the warming feeling... all of these things he felt when he thought of Alfred, or even just looked at him sometimes…

"N-n-yet..." Ivan clutched at his chest, "I couldn't..."

The rapidly swelling feeling in his heart told him otherwise.

It dawned on him, and he had to sit down to prevent injury. "Alfred...Oh, Alfred..." Ivan muttered into his hands, "I think I'm in love with you..."

oOoOoOoOo

After Alfred finished his education, High School and College, he scored a pretty sweet job dealing with boat sale and repairs. It was after working there for a few months that it seemed like his life was finally getting that spark back.

oOoOoOoOo

Ivan had come to a shaky acceptance of his… _condition_…four years ago.

Ivan watched every date, every woman that caught Alfred's eye. Each one made Ivan grow protective over his little.. 'pet'. They mocked him, you see? He could never talk to Alfred, hold him close… touch him in person… never again see that sunshine-smile that was reserved for only Vanya.

oOoOoOoOo

And it all started when Alfred had ran into an expert boat captain named Alice.

oOoOoOoOo

Alice Kirkland. Ivan hated her instantly. The little green glint of cockiness shown in her eyes, her accent, her hair… and everything in between.

oOoOoOoOo

It had started innocently enough, Alfred had thought. Alice was a boat captain in both hobby and profession. She handled a tourist ferry that took people to see the sights of the city on the river, and also enjoyed her own hobby of sailing to pass her free time in the small boat that she owned privately.

It was no surprise that she would come in frequently to have her boat tuned up or get some miscellaneous work done on it, as well as checkups and various other small favors for the tourist ferry she owned.

For the first few months that he worked at the boat shop, Alfred only saw her in passing. It was always really obvious when she came in, because all the veteran workers would call out her name like they were greeting and old friend. 'Miss Kirkland!' and sometimes even 'Captain Kirkland!' could be heard when she entered.

However, Alfred was quickly starting to get notice from the others due to his handy work around the shop. Alfred was always and had always been really good with his hands and loved to work with them. Building and flying planes would have been the best choice, but he had settled for the boat shop when it seemed that the only shops that would allow him to work on airplanes that were out of state and he would have to move far away. He had settled for second best, because he convinced himself that he could make do with what he had where he was, and that moving so far away couldn't be good. So, even though he was content, he wasn't really as happy as he could be, as he should be.

As usual, Miss Kirkland would say, "Hey Frank, only the best for my lassie, you hear?" and only the best workers would be sent to check on her prized 'Queen Elizabeth', as her boat was named. Something about the shop owing Alice for keeping them in business when they had hit a rough patch or something... But everything changed when one day, after 'Miss Kirkland', as Alfred had known her then, had come around asking for her daily tune up. The boss had started to round up everyone together, and was selecting who he thought should go work on the boat.

"Alfred! You too!" He had said, and Alfred almost did a spit-take. Really? Him? His boss trusted and regarded him that highly? I mean, it was no secret that Alfred was working his butt off, and that he was pretty handy with his... well, hands. But still: being asked to work on Miss Kirkland's boat was like the ultimate show of professional grade work and trust among the workers of the shop. Alfred nodded eagerly and treated the job like he would any other. It didn't matter what customer came in wanting work done, Alfred always gave his 100% best effort. Alice came in to watch them and immediately noticed the new face.

"Well, you're a new face around here," She stated. It almost seemed like she was looking down on him with the way she tilted her head up and crossed her arms, assessing him to make sure that he was up to her standards.

"I have been working here for about a month or so," Alfred told her, a thoughtful expression crossing his face, "Has it really been that long? Huh..." Miss Kirkland rolled her eyes.

"Just make sure you do a good job on 'Queen Elizabeth', or you'll have me to answer to," she growled. Alfred waved her off, laughing.

"Sure, sure, I got it," he told her brightly.

This only seemed to irritate her further, but Alfred had already turned around and went back to working on the boat. It was really quite an uneventful first meeting, nothing all that special that Alfred could really talk about.

There were no 'fireworks' and no 'love at first sight'. Alfred didn't really believe in that mess anyways, even if he was a closet romantic. But that first meeting had set in motion something that Alfred himself didn't really understand.

'Was this what it felt like to be in love?' he remembered thinking to himself as he catered to Alice's latest whim. Their relationship after their first meeting seemed to progress incredibly slowly after that, but then somehow Alice had gained the courage to storm up to Alfred one day at the shop and ask him out. Alfred was a bit freaked out, of course, but decided that one date wouldn't hurt. After all, Alice was a funny girl. Despite the repercussions, Alfred did like to rile her up. It was kind of fun, like the way people liked to mess with dangerous animals to see how far they would go before finally lashing out at you brutally.

It seemed like their relationship kind of went on in this cycle, with Alfred doing one thing or another that finally set off Alice past her limit and her storming off, before they would have a very arduous and messy recovery period in which they laboriously agreed to get back together again. Rinse, wash, repeat.

After about a year at this, Alfred wondered if this was all there was to relationships. Was everyone like this? Was this normal? Alfred might have felt something for Alice, but it was always drowned out by his feelings of trepidation at her volatile moods, and he was constantly on edge, watching what he said and did to avoid setting Alice off and having her blow up at him.

That was always the worst.

Alice was by no means a clingy person, but she was always constantly asking questions about Alfred's schedule and what he would be doing. It got on Alfred's nerves, really. But he suppressed himself for her, because she was his first ever 'serious' relationship and he just felt like he had to make it work. Just like everything else in his life, he would settle for something and work to make it the best he could, while wondering if this was it, if this was really the best that he could do? And maybe he might have been content sometimes, with her, but it was never something he would leap into the air in joy about... Especially when he had to watch his every move or word. It always felt like he was trying to appease Alice, and always had to work for her affections, when he gave his to her so willingly and caringly.

They seemed such opposites too. Alfred loved cuddling, but Alice never seemed to want to give away any of her personal space to anyone. She was a bit intense about people touching her. Alfred always enjoyed showing how much he loved his partner, and was very open about it, but Alice never seemed to want to do anything that suggested that they were a couple in public. Sometimes even in private, too. Alfred always wanted to go somewhere or do something with Alice, always wanted to share his hobbies with her, but she would rather keep to herself. Alfred remembered distinctly one time she had told him, "There are things that you do with your partner, and things that you do by yourself." And Alfred could agree with that, somewhat, but what was wrong with wanting to do things with her? She never seemed to really ever want to spend significant amount of time with Alfred… It almost felt to him as if she ignored him most of the time, really.

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, Alice had just stormed up to him, much like how she had asked him out and spoke:

"So, since it seems like you aren't going to ask me anytime soon," she said in that voice that just made Alfred feel like she thought dealing with him was a chore, "I guess I'm going to have to do it myself. This is so unconventional but... Alfred. Will you marry me?"

Alfred's world was quickly and quite suddenly thrown into complete chaos.

* * *

><p>And that is the exciting conclusion to our awesome chapter! A lot happened in this one, and there was a lot of time-skipping around, but it'll slow down next chapter and it'll all be in real-time from here on out. The past two chapters were kind of an 'introduction' if you will. Setting up for the main part of the story. But any who, we both hope you enjoyed!<br>~Much love from Slivertrain and Penguinwholikesfire


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